【The Doctor Has Big Boobs 2】

A feature in the Jan. 30 issue of The The Doctor Has Big Boobs 2New Yorkeropens with a story from Reddit co-founder and CEO Steve Huffman, about Huffman's decision to undergo vision correction surgery:

He [Huffman] underwent the procedure not for the sake of convenience or appearance but, rather, for a reason he doesn’t usually talk much about: he hopes that it will improve his odds of surviving a disaster, whether natural or man-made.“If the world ends -- and not even if the world ends, but if we have trouble -- getting contacts or glasses is going to be a huge pain in the ass,” he told me recently. “Without them, I’m fucked.”

It's just one of the many juicy tidbits in the story, which dives into the world of doomsday preppers within the shadowy world of Silicon Valley bigwigs, many of which are completely inaccessible—like keeping a helicopter gassed up 24/7—to us normal, non-founder folks.

SEE ALSO: The end of the world: How NASA and FEMA will deal with a killer asteroid

But Huffman's reasoning for laser eye correction isn't so crazy, or merely within the means of only a few mind-numbingly wealthy tech czars (like, say, Peter Thiel's insane plot to harvest the blood of the young for eternal life). Or at least, it's not for me.

Because, in February 2015, I had laser eye surgery for the exact same reason. When society falls apart, I'm not gonna be stuck depending on weak eyes to keep me alive, as we struggle for supremacy in an overexposed landscape. Nope. Not me. No. Thank. You.

I got my first pair of glasses when I was eight-years-old. At 12, I graduated to contact lenses. I was an athletic kid, so the old stereotype of the weak bespectacled dweeb didn't quite fit—but I still felt vulnerable. I was the kid on the pitcher's mound rocking ridiculous Rec Specs, daring anyone to make a joke. I also used to wear a protective visor on my football helmet's face mask, after that time an opponent reached in, and actually swiped out one of my contact lenses.

But it wasn't sports that got me to put a laser in my eyes. What really got me thinking about the potential dangers of poor eyesight? Books.

Even in the days long before the Hunger Games, I read enough YA fantasy and sci-fi to know what a post-apocalyptic scenario was—but it was a story set in the real world that really got me thinking.

William Golding's The Lord of the Fliesis a great many things—a powerful social allegory, a primer on human nature, an engaging book for 13-year-old boys to read in school—but most of all, it's a terrifying prediction of what might happen to those with poor eyesight once the rules of the world go out the window.

For the uninitiated, the portly, nearsighted character Piggy sucks for a multitude of reasons—but his eyeglasses are perhaps the most obvious metaphor for civil law and order in the YA canon. Can you guess what happens to his glasses?

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They break.

Can you guess what happens to Piggy?

[Spoiler alert, except not, because you're being done a favor by learning about how you might die with poor eyesight, too.]

Yep: He dies. Violently. With that in mind, the seeds of paranoia were planted in my teenaged brain. Glasses = low chance of survival once order breaks down.

As I got older, it felt like post-apocalyptic literature and movies became more and more common. Or maybe I was just seeing them more often. From The Roadto The Book of Elito Mad Max: Fury Road, one thing stood out to me more than anything else: the distinct lack of practicing optometrists, and contact lens production.

Where's the story of the brave eye doctor keeping up with patients through the societal breakdown in the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust? Why isn't there an entire episode of The Walking Dead where the characters hunt for an abandoned contact lens factory?

Easy. Because unless you're Gary Oldman or Denzel Washington, two inspiringly vision-challenged survivors of the time after the world ceases to be, you're the first one to go. The glasses on your face will mark you as weak and make you a target, and your supply of contacts ran out after about a month. You're done. Don't even get me started on Blindness.

With AI developing at a rapid pace, it could be the robots that take us down. Just ask Elon Musk or Stephen Hawking. Or maybe the political instability and potential renewal of a nuclear arms race will signal the end.

Or, you know, that whole climate change thing.

But once it all goes down, however it goes down, I'm going into endtimes with 20/20 vision. There will be enough ethical quandaries and burnt-out cities to worry about without always having to be on the lookout for an extra set of specs. No fear of lasers or distaste for eyedrops (or appeals to reason for being a paranoid lunatic) could keep me from getting LASIK.

And that's how Steve Huffman and I see eye-to-eye, in a manner of speaking. Especially if he winds up in the hands of some r/the_donald adherents after civilization crumbles, Huffman will be glad he won't be stuck like Velma from Scooby Dooevery time he gets socked in the face.

'Same goes for me—I just have to find some way to get some Silicon Valley-level capital to get on his level for the rest of my doomsday prepping. Bring on the killer robots.

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